Don't Wait Up For Me

The Donnas

Get up your hair and take this Friday night. Screw curfew! School is out!

Penny On The Train Track

Ben Kweller

Another Saturday Night

Cat Stevens

Lover, Lover, Lover

Leonard Cohen

Your Cover's Blown

Belle and Sebastian

Cancel all operations.

Blankest Year

Nada Surf

Meet me at the party, Cody.

Elephant Gun

Beirut

Quirky sensibility and sensational musicianship . Yes, this one has Meg all over it.

Crazy Train

Ozzy Osbourne

Step back, take a deep breath, and bang your head.

Highway Star

Deep Purple

Dinner was on the table. I called the kids to eat and looked to see what background music would go best with burritos.

"Here, Dad, let a real DJ do this," Collie said, waving me from the computer. I shrugged and left.

This song came on, loud. Jason leapt up and threw his hands in the air. "Nobody gonna take my car," he squealed. "I'm gonna race it to the ground! Nobody gonna beat my car, it's gonna break the speed of sound!"

Lillie covered her ears. "Ooh, what is that?"

"Guitar Hero," I said, chewing. "It means the boys get the same soundtrack to adolescence that I had."

I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor

Arctic Monkeys

Thanks for the request, Norby. Meet me on the danssflurrrrr.

Joy

Lucinda Williams

A song for anyone caring more than I do about who I'm fucking in blogs.

You got no right to take my joy
I want it back
You got no right to take my joy
I want it back

You took my joy
I want it back
You took my joy
I want it back

Love Song

Sara Bareilles

Lillie tells me this is her favorite song. But she wonders, "Why doesn't she want to write a love song?"

"I think she wants to write it because she wants to, because she's inspired," I answered. "Not like it's homework."

"Oh." Lillie sat in my lap, watching the video. "She's really pretty," my daughter observed.

"Yeah, she is," I agreed.

She watched a little more. "And really small," she added.

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

edith piaf

while i was off not writing my sex blog, this annoying thing happened to me. this thing called love. it was doomed from the start. he was a co-worker and one of those fundamentalist ultra christians, the son of a preacher man. the more time we spent together, the more i tried to warn myself. but then at one particular happy hour that lasted well into the night (oh, how we liked our happy hours), he turned to me and said, "drinking dirty martinis always makes me want to kiss someone."

giddy from the shots of patron he'd been buying me, i told him, "well, i'm not gonna stop you."

let me just tell you—boy was a damn good kisser. i know this not from the quick kisses he snuck in as we sat at the bar next to a couple of our other coworkers, but because when he followed me out to my car to get a pack of cigarettes, we sat in the very back and made out long enough that said coworkers actually called his phone looking for us.

oops.

and then, that was that. well, as far as the kissing went anyway. but as school let out and summer began, we hung out more and more and the flirting and extra long hugs and the curling up on the couch together and him spending the night in my bed (without any sort of action) continued. one of my favorite memories with him is the night we went to see la vie en rose together in an old, grand theater, where we sat in the balcony and shared the arm rest between us as edith piaf's music and (rather embellished upon) life story tugged at our hearts. he had just made up his mind to go work in a country on the other side of the world for the next year (or possibly, two) and we were both feeling a little raw and vulnerable.

ok, so i was pretty much devastated.

a couple of weeks later, i hid it well as a group of coworkers came together at his place to wish him farewell, but i stayed after everyone had left and loaded the two-disc mix i had made for him onto his ipod for his flight. the first disc was devoted to our time together and all the music, both awesome and shamefully bad, we'd shared. for the second, i basically went with an "i'm so proud of you for taking this awesome step, but please don't leave me" theme with a few sappy love-esque songs thrown in for good measure. (of course, this song made the cut.)

as i gathered my things to leave that night, he pulled me into a tight hug and i cried on his shoulder. i whispered into his ear, "please don't stay for the second year."

he hugged me tighter and said, "take this with you."

and then he kissed me.

meg

Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex

cansei de ser sexy

"do you know css?" jefferson asked me as he worked at his computer one lazy weekend day.

"you mean, like cascading style sheets? i used to use them a lot . . . ," i began to say.

"huh?"

"what?"

"no, i mean css—cansei de ser sexy!"

"so, you're not talking geeky web code?"

"just listen."

i'm a very good listener.

meg

Rainbows In The Dark

tilly and the wall

seriously, who needs a drummer when you've got a pretty girl tap dancing? i love how she sings along even without a microphone.

oh, and they're currently on tour! who wants to go with me?

meg

Frodo, Don't Wear The Ring

yo frodo, what you doin' wearin' the ring?
all powerful jewelry, is that your new thing?
i know it's hard when you're little, more than three foot four,
your little ass so close to the floor.

ok, so the majority of this clip is really weird and i am so not into the whole lord of the rings thing, but those four lines may very well be the very best words ever written and/or performed.

and for the record? i can't choose between the two of them, so don't even make me try. let me just say that given the opportunity, i would gladly have a "man-man lady threesome" with the two of them.

meg

Drive

melissa ferrick

hands down one of the sexiest songs you will ever hear in your life.

i bought this album way back in two thousand. and, people—that was high school for me. spring of my senior year of high school. so, i bring this album home and already owning two of her previous albums, i know she's good. no, wait—i know she's fucking awesome. so, yeah—i get this album and i take it home and i start playing it from the beginning and it's fantastic. it's bigger than her previous albums, not quite as sparse and her voice is perfect and the harmonies are just awesome.

and then i get to track eleven. and i hear that beat. and then that simple little guitar line. and the crackly speaker sound to it all. but wait, it gets better. because then her voice comes in.

"if you want this."

oh, melissa, you know i want it. you know i'll ask you nicely.

meg

Wishful Thinking

the ditty bops

pretty girls who write their own songs, sing kick ass harmonies, juggle, swallow swords, ride their bikes across the country, act out scenes involving pirates while playing songs in six/eight meter and play guitar, ukulele, washboards and fruit shakers while putting on one of the best live shows you'll ever see?

totally awesome.

girls who do most of the above (you know, aside from the bike riding) in old-fashioned corsets and tutus?

too good for words.

meg

Lovelife

lush

for the longest time, i couldn't listen to lush without thinking about alec. the first night i met him, we drunkenly stumbled back to my place after drinking our way through a favorite local bar's awesome beer selection. as we passed his car, he stopped to pull a cd out of the stereo and brought it back to my place. it was lush's spooky and as the music played, we made out like teenagers and fell asleep together on my tiny twin mattress in the house i shared with two other girls. we spent that summer drinking our way through his new film budget, going to wild, kinky parties that lasted into the wee hours of each night, fucking like crazy and hibernating in his house with his rather impressive movie collection. three months later, he told me he was in love with another woman. a couple months later, they were married.

(and then quickly divorced, or so i heard.)

my newfound fondness for lush was soon accompanied by bitter memories. but then during my spring break last year, i headed west to spend a few days with madeline, who on my last afternoon with her, put lush's split into her stereo, ordered me to strip and then climbed on top of me and had her way with me.

so uh, problem solved.

meg

Chan Chan

buena vista social club

the first time i ever heard this song, i was tied up to a low table while a frenchman and his girlfriend had their way with me. as we worked our way through a whole host of firsts for me (first time bound, first time with another girl, first time fisting anyone, first threesome and on and on), the album played through in its entirety and though i was definitely distracted, i'd heard enough to know i needed to own it.

i mean, come on—just try and tell me company segundo wasn't the cutest old man ever.

meg

Chariot's Fire

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Masochism Tango

tom lehrer

at my school, if you could get yourself into a certain professor's theory classes, you were very lucky indeed, for every friday, at the end of his class, he would plop himself down at the piano and play you an old standard or quirky little number you'd never heard before but would instantly fall in love with. it also didn't hurt that he was an older, adorably flamboyant gent who shared my loves for knitting and cats and moonlighted as a performer at a piano lounge in center city.

and so, one friday morning in late october of my sophomore year, my love for tom lehrer sealed with a deliciously naughty wink from said professor as he played his way through "the masochism tango," an annual halloween tradition of his. he growled his way through the best lines and put extra long pauses in all the right places as my classmates and i howled with laughter and exchanged thrilled looks.

of course for the next two years, my friends and i cut our classes the last friday before halloween just go to back and watch him do it again.

meg

Step Into My Office, Baby

belle and sebastian

the first day i walked into my freshman dorm room back in my undergrad days, i found one small corner left untouched for me to do with as i pleased. the remaining space was already completely claimed and decorated and the beds? totally bunked. a few weeks earlier, during my first "hey, let's get to know each other" phone conversation with my new roommate, i'd told her the only thing i really didn't want was bunk beds. but when said new roomie is a member of the marching band and all band members are required to report two weeks early for band camp, you're pretty much screwed.

had i known better, i would have also said, "and i don't like being stared at constantly by pictures of freaky, sad clowns all over the walls or a giant cardboard cutout of mr. bean peeking into our window."

we ended the year not speaking to each other, but she also introduced me to belle & sebastian, so i guess i can't be too angry with her.

meg

Heroin

the velvet underground

i grew up in a small town where 99.9999 percent of the population was white, christian and conservative. we had less than seven hundred people in my entire high school and there was nothing to do in town. ever. when aidan got his first car, we celebrated our newfound freedom by spending endless hours driving around south jersey, drinking giant bottles of iced tea from wawa (aidan was straight edge and i had no interest in alcohol) and listening to our favorite bands. he introduced me to ska, punk and hardcore. he played me less than jake, catch 22, operation ivy, the bouncing souls, kid dynamite, rainer maria, the dead kennedys and too many others to name. we played weezer's blue album on repeat (you know, back before they put out that horrible green album and began their downfall). he sang rivers' parts and i filled in all the harmonies. and we played his copy of "the best of the velvet underground: words and music of lou reed" so many times, we wore it out and had to buy another copy.

my favorite was (and still is) "sweet jane", but for lack of a decent video, i am sharing aidan's favorite.

meg

Jane Says

jane's addiction

in second grade, i was new at my school and quickly became friends with a girl named ramona. we bonded over being raised by hippie feminist mothers and i was in constant awe of her creativity, artistic talents and "i don't give a fuck what you think" attitude. at our 8th grade dance, she gave the dj a cassette tape on which she'd recorded "the time warp" from rocky horror picture show and together, we took over the dance floor and showed all our classmates how to do the dance. after my 15th birthday party, i went home with her and she bought me lobster tails and brownie mix. after we made and ate both, she took me into the woods, poked some holes into an old soda can and got me high for the first time. another random day in middle school, she decided to wallpaper her room in tinfoil for a school project. we took before and after pictures and played jane's addiction while we covered every exposed bit of wall and ceiling in multiple rolls of foil, having to stop at one point and go to the grocery store for more.

these days, she does nude/fesith modeling and lives in a part of brooklyn that made me fear for my life the one time i was there, about a year ago. after leaving me on her stoop, with my smaller valuables tucked into my bra while she climbed a fence to break into her apartment when her key wouldn't work, we smoked hash she'd gotten from some monk she met in the woods on a retreat (or something like that) and shared her tiny thin mattress while two of her roommates slept in the back room and a third slept on the kitchen floor.

meg

Magic Dance

david bowie

love me, fear me, do as i say and i will be your slave.

my family was big on jim henson. so when labyrinth came out on video, we all huddled up together on my aunt's gigantic sectional couch for a much anticipated viewing. from the moment i saw david bowie come on screen, in all his big hair and tight pants glory, i was hooked. nevermind the riding crop he's casually tapping against his tall, black boots or the way his crotch is blatantly on display throughout most of the movie or the dance scene (oh, you know the one).

plus, if you really want to know how cool someone is? just go up to them, say, "you remind me of the babe!" and see how they react. trust me on this.

meg

Maneater

hall and oates

some mothers sing traditional lullabies to their babies. my mother? she sang "maneater" to me. sometimes, i wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that my longest "relationship" (which is a very generous label) to date lasted a mere three months.

meg

Guest DJ: Meg

This weekend’s Guest DJ is my pretty Meg—teacher, slut and pain slut extraordinaire. Oh wait, did I use the word “slut” twice in that sentence? Consider it appropriate added emphasis. Slut.

In deference to my submissive slut, I’ll keep intact her disavowal of upper-case letters. For more on Meg, take a peek at her slutty slut slut sex blog slut.

the tales of a teacher . . . and slut

Writing To Reach You

It's two thousand and I'm cooking dinner with my daughter Rachel. She stirs as I change the CD.

"So you know Travis?" I ask.

"No, never heard of them," she answers.

"Listen to this part," I say.

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
'Cos I'm writing to reach you
But I might never reach you
I only long to teach you about you
But that's not you

"Beautiful, huh?" I ask, joining Rachel at the stove.

"Sounds okay," she answers, looking over at me.

"That longing for a connection, to be able to write and reach someone, and being so mixed up . . . ," I begin.

"Really? 'Teach you about you?'" my wife interrupts. "Who teaches people about themselves? That's just, ugh, so wrong. Right?"

Rachel looked up at me. I bit my lip. "Nice melody, though," I said, thinking "But that's not you."

Wasted and Ready

Ben Kweller


Force field, super shield, AA.
Junior high love affair is OK.
Jump on the big wagon 'cause I'm SoCal.
I'm big in every way.
I'm running as fast as I can.


She goes above and beyond her call of duty.
She is a slut but her ex thinks it's sexy.
Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti.
I am wasted, but I'm ready.

Replacements? Have you met Brian Wilson?

Rawk.

Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money)

Pet Shop Boys

I've got the brains, you've got the looks
Let's make lots of money

The Way I Am

Ingrid Michaelson

Check it out! Tina Fey covered a Regina Spektor song.

Sing Songs Along

Tilly and the Wall

Zombie dance! Beware, Viviane.

Miss Misery

Elliot Smith

Bizarre Love Triangle

New Order

Different Drum

Susanna Hoffs and Matthew Sweet

Making Believe

Emmylou Harris

You know, it's almost worth being dumped to have this song to make you cry.

Making believe that you still love me
It's leaving me alone and so blue
Still I'll always dream, but I'll never own you
Making believe, its all I can do

Can't hold you close when you're not with me
You're somebody's love, you'll never be mine
Making believe I'll spend my lifetime
Loving you and making believe

Making believe I never lost you
But my happy hours are so few
My plans for the future will never come true
Making believe what else can I do

Christine's Tune

The Flying Burrito Brothers

I'm Fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman

Madeline says she isn't fucking Matt Damon. She says she really, truly isn't fucking Matt Damon. No word yet on Ben Affleck.

Memories

Eisley

A skinny local girl turned me on to these skinny Texans.

Dance Me To The End Of Love

Leonard Cohen

Ain't Got No . . . I Got Life

Nina Simone

I got my hair, I got my head
I got my brains, I got my ears
I got my eyes, I got my nose
I got my mouth, I got my smile
I got my tongue, I got my chin
I got my neck, I got my boobs

I got my heart, I got my soul
I got my back, I got my sex
I got my arms, I got my hands
I got my fingers, Got my legs
I got my feet, I got my toes
I got my liver, Got my blood

I've got life , I've got my freedom
I've got the life

And I'm gonna keep it
I've got the life
And nobody's gonna take it away
I've got the life

Santeria

Sublime

Nth Degree

Morningwood

I Need To Be In Love

The Carpenters

I used to say "No promises, let's keep it simple"
But freedom only helps you say goodbye
It took a while for me to learn that nothing comes for free
The price I paid is high enough for me

Alfie

Cher

Take Off Your Clothes

Morningwood

Come on baby, you're fixated,
(Uh huh . . . )
I think I'd like it if we waited
(Uh uh . . .)
Get a little more acquainted
(Alright . . . )
It's better when anticipated
(No it's not, just take off your clothes!)

I didn't know about Morningwood until Meg wised me up. Why was I in the dark? Don't leave me hanging, people!

This video is built around clips submitted by fans. So all those people getting naked? They are real people.

Party In My Tummy

Yo Gabba Gabba!

This song came to Wendy in a dream. Now, I can't stop singing about the party in my tummy.

Do you want to join the party in my tummy?

Hot In Here

Jenny Owen Youngs

Grace Kelly

Mika

Happy Groundhog's Day. I'll be celebrating tonight with Mika and hoards of screaming teenage girls and grown-up gay men.

Find me and I'll let you buy me a drink. Ka-ching!

Livin' Thing

Electric Light Orchestra

The Electric Light Orchestra was unavoidable on my first portable radio. Their pop orchestrations adopted "art" from the Beatles and trashed it down to hit the charts along with Supertramp and other ilk in their wake. ELO rocked my AM radio alongside Boston, Sweet and Foghat, which remained as guilty pleasures for us eighties kids.

Still, when the Traveling Wilburys came along in the eighties, I was bewildered. Legends like Roy Orbison, George Harrison and Bob Fucking Dylan toyed with wannabes like Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne? God, I thought: those producers must've had great blow.

This song, well, it was the time, but I was pretty sure it was anti-abortion:

Making believe this is what you've conceived
From your worst day, I'm takin' a dive
Oh moving in line when you look back in time
To the first day, I'm taken I'm taken

And you and your sweet desire,
You took me ohh, higher and higher baby
It's a living thing,
It's a terrible thing to lose,
It's a given thing
What a terrible thing to lose

What did I know? It was the seventies and I was a kid. Sex was hot and it was bad.

Thanks Madeline, for the suggestion.

Jolene

The White Stripes

Training of O

Devaun

A-Punk

Vampire Weekend

Mansard Roof

Vampire Weekend

Their album is out today. Maybe you heard it here first?

Let's Make Love Listen Death From Above

CSS

Wine then bed then more then again, wine then bed then more then again.

A forced lesbian forces this in my ears. Thanks, "Pixie Girl."

Low Rider

War

Hanging low, my brothers.

If You're Into It

Flight of the Conchords

Ring of Fire

Ray Charles

I used to watch "The Johnny Cash Show" as a kid. You know that scar on Johnny's left cheek? I was sure it was a bullet wound. He was just that indestructible.

My folks also had all of Ray Charles's country albums.

You may watch this video and think, man, Ray Charles had balls. He sang "Ring of Fire" for Johnny Cash's audience? Hell, why not offer catechism for the Pope?

But then there's Johnny Cash. Just a few years before this performance, Bob Dylan went electric at Newport, and the audience booed. Johnny was backstage. Johnny was perplexed. "Why won't they just let him play his music?" he asked.

Johnny knew that that was the thing: you have to play your music.

Go West

Chico Marx

Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon

Neil Diamond

My kids know this as the song Dad sings as he does dishes.

One

U2

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without.

One life. You got to do what you should.

Communication Breakdown

Led Zeppelin

Led Zeppelin wanted me in junior high school. I wasn't in the mood for long-haired narcissists who refused to give up radio time to any song under nine minutes. I passed in favor of anything in a skinny tie.

In nineteen eighty three, I taped "Physical Graffiti" and drove around a lot, wearing out that cassette, all by myself, in my time. I was ready.

To this day, though, I will not listen to "Stairway to Heaven." I hope I never lose another minute of my life to that bloated waste of time.

All My Love

Cliff Richard

All my love
Came to nothing at all, my love
When I woke up to find
You were no longer mine
All my love
Thrown away after all this time
Now there's no place for me in the future, you see
I don't understand you
I've done all I can do
Tell me how could I give you more
More than
All my love

Instant Karma

John Lennon

Lolita

Lolita

I think it was your cherry pies.

Or maybe it was so much genius in one film. Nabokov, Kubrick, Winters, Sellers, oh yes Lyon, and uh, yeah . . . James Mason.

You know, in real life, James Mason was kind to cats. But to me, he is ever the cad. "What is it to me," the captain said, "that he has a withered arm?"

Waa laa.

30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock

30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock

Sixteen Going On Seventeen

The Sound of Music

You wait, little girl, on an empty stage
For fate to turn the light on
Your life, little girl, is an empty page
That men will want to write on.

There was a little girl in Jason's kindergarten class who would point and call me "Rolfe."

"You need someone older and wiser," I'd say.

Waterloo Sunset

The Kinks

You Can't Put Your Arm Around A Memory

Johnny Thunders

Mudhoney

Russ Meyer

Suspicious Minds

Elvis Presley

Avah puts the drop on the King.

Who's Your Daddy?

Benny Benassi

Toi Jamais

Catherine Deneuve

Sapphic Erotica

Sapphic Erotica

Strokin'

Clarence Carter

Eden tells us she spent her high school years strokin'. I know she didn't stop until she was sassified.

Silver Lining

Rilo Kiley

I'm told that if you listen to Rilo Kiley anywhere in the world, somewhere Anna Smash will be dancing in her underwear.

Throw Your Arms Around Me

Neil Finn

. . . kiss you in four places . . .

That's right, he had me before a chorus.

Where Did You Go To, My Lovely?

Peter Sarstedt

Molly sends this one along. Gee, you'd think she could look inside your head, yes she do.

Effect and Cause

The White Stripes

I got somebody playing buzzsaw white noise in my mind.

Well you keep blamin' me for what you did
And that ain't all
The way you clean up a wreck
Is enough to get one pause
You seem to forget
Just how this song started
I'm reactin' to you because you left me broken-hearted
See, you just can't take the effect
And make it the cause

Die. Mommie, Die!

Charles Busch

Rocket Man

William Shatner

My "Rocket Man," as interpreted by William Shatner.

Thanks to Bridget. With a bonus track for Jason.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Kiki and Herb

Don't turn your back on me
Don't turn your back on Kiki
Kiki loves you
Kiki needs you
Kiki would die for you

Thank you ladies and gentlemen.

Wishful Thinking

The Ditty Bops

Shores of California

Dresden Dolls

Why all these conflicting specifications?
Maybe to prevent overpopulation.
All I know is that all around the nation.
The girls are crying and the boys are masturbating.

And that's the way it is in Minnesota,
And that's the way it is in Oklahoma,
That's the way Aristophanes and Homer
Wrote the Iliad and Lysistrata.

That fickle little bitch, romance.

Can't we all just get along? Pass the tissues.