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Rope Lover
I'm only playing a lame Ramones song because I refused to play Monster Mash for Becca. To cleanse the palate, how about some more better Ramones?
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Pet Sematary
I'm only playing a lame Ramones song because I refused to play Monster Mash for Becca. To cleanse the palate, how about some more better Ramones?
Vampyros Lesbos
I played this soundtrack at every orgy until I was begged to please stop.
That Old Black Magic
Innkeeper! Got sexy lights? Lay it on me.
Better. Better. Now watch, baby. Every move a picture.
Keep this under your hat: see that bird decorating the piano? Stella Stevens? I'm six degrees of sex from her.
By way of Elvis.
Bela Lugosi's Dead
Here it is again from The Hunger. Beware stylish lesbian vampires trolling for threesomes with rock stars. It sounds hot, but too often ends in pissing your pants after a few centuries.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Ultimate Surrender
Go, Calico! Get it! Get it!
Come down hard off the top rope!
You Light Up My Life
Thanks for dropping the needle this weekend, Madeline. I'll send you back to your mirror humming this ballad from the junior high dance, as interpreted by the female Mick Jagger. Join her as she takes back rock and roll. For the people.
Diva, Love Boy
This is a two-fer, for one of the most gorgeous women in the world, Dana International. She's just my type: Tall, dark hair, dark eyes, exotic looking and sexy. Oh, and she used to be a boy. The first song is "Diva," which won 1998's Eurovision Song Contest. I just discovered "Love Boy" the other day and I haven't stopped watching it or singing it. So bouncy and gay! Here's a transliteration of the refrain: YESH LI TRICK KAVUA PA'AMAYIM BA SHAVUA, YESH LI LOVE BOY. It means, basically, she has a twice-weekly arrangement with a "love boy." Also, gotta love it when she talks about how "HU OKHEL MI SALAKHTI" (he eats from my plate). So that's what we're calling it nowadays.
Mexican Wine
A recent favorite, and not just because on road trips, Jefferson's boy Jason sings it with such feeling. I love that Fountains of Wayne stole the entire video for Duran Duran's "Rio" and made it look semi-ridiculous. That, my friends, is genius.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Automatic Lover
This one goes out to my Babeland Silver Bullet and my Njoy Pure Wand.
I <3 U, Automatic Lovers.
Fight Test
This song always makes me feel nice and melancholic. Especially when I've been singing the chorus all weekend and during my last shower of a visit a nice blond southerner turns it on really loud in his apartment. Sweet how my hyooge crush on Wayne Coyne doesn't bother him in the least.
Fratmen
"Bro, that was awesome. Really felt great to bust a nut."
"Yeah. But listen, keep it between us, k'? I don't want anyone thinking we're fags."
"S'cool. We're good. Want to go to the beach and get some girls?"
"Yeah, but first can we stop at the French Quarter for brunch? I'm absolutely famished, dude."
I Love Rock n' Roll
Because, duh, it's Joan Fucking Jett taking home a seventeen year old and he puts his dime in her jukebox. Or something.
She's a Beauty
This video was always on MTV. Always. I used to wish my mom was the dominatrix with the ponytail who wielded the stop bar on the ride. Not sure why that was, but I did always feel a guilty tingle in my naughty place when I saw the half naked ladies writhing around in cages. Hey, why would I lie?
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Sex (I'm A . . . )
I bought Berlin's Pleasure Victim at the record store because I thought the cover was hot. Turns out the music was pretty sweet, too, but being young and well, me, I mostly listened to this song. I think it was the first time I heard the words "slut," "bitch," "hooker" and "little girl" describing the same thing. Fantasy? The Hell? I didn't really get it then, and it's not so much my thing now, but I think it's a hot song, and Terri Nunn is fi-yi-yine.
Things Can Only Get Better
Whoa, whoa, whoa... I can't think of a catchier refrain.
Dudes, Howard Jones was seriously bizarre, and looking at this video now, he really reminds me of Isaac Mizrahi. Ohhh, Isaac, I still love you! My best friend in school did her hair like Howard's, and I looked exactly like that wardrobe girl with the ironing board. Even today when I hear this song I still do the stairstep movement with my hands when he sings "It may take a little time, a lonely path, an uphill climb." C'mon, orange silk parachute pants! No way was he gaie.
Do you feel scared? I do!
Mustang Sally
The first time I realized that a big, burly, sweaty, drunken Irish rocker dude who can belt out Wilson Pickett and Otis Redding could be sexay. But, even in all his sexayness, the brunette backup singer is still the lady I want to party with.
St Elmo's Fire Love Theme
I used to watch this movie and wonder if I was a lesbian. Because these were "the hottest guys in Hollywood" and they all made me slightly queasy. Rob Lowe? Seriously not my type. Emilio Estevez? Dude, your dad's hot, but you should've stopped with The Breakfast Club. Andrew McCarthy? Please. Thiiis close to falling over myself to get to Judd Nelson, but his nostrils kept getting in the way. However, Ally Sheedy in the shower with the pearls, Demi Moore in any damn scene, and even Mare Winningham getting it on with Rob made me hot. Also, I stayed up late nights practicing smoking so that my voice would sound like Jules' someday. "Whatcha got on underneath that skirt?"
Every Breath You Take
You know it's true love when you're twelve and the eighteen year old you've been flirting with at the pool all summer stands up in his lifeguard chair and starts playing Air Double Bass for you and singing along when this song comes on the radio. You know that you'll love him forever, with his white blond hair and ski slope nose, meaningful eye contact and "I'll be watching you"s, and you prefer now to remember him like that, instead of the dude he probably grew up to be.
Touch Me (I Want Your Body)
Aw, check the jeans and the hair. Sam Fox was fierce and I had this look down. FYI: Jr. High administrative officials don't look too kindly on ass cheeks peeking out from slits in acid washed denim. Also, hello, she basically says everything but "stuff your rod in my slit and ride me like a pony, boy;" how did this get played at our school dances?
Punk Rock Girl
It's a sweet song about young love, replete with cigarette butts ground into pizza and the occasional carjacking. God, I wanted a mousy baby boy to take a shining to me and try to impress me by jumping onto tables and shouting "Anarchy!" Punk Rock Girl was my favorite song for like, three years. Also, it started off my teeny obsession with Minnie Pearl.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Institutionalized
The anthem of my young friends. We all tried to talk like Mike. "No! You're on drugs!"
"No, Mom, I'm not on drugs, I'm just thinking . . . "
Dudes, he was totally on drugs. This was the only song I remember playing at the party where I had sex for the first time.
Fratmen
"Bro, that girl in the porn is way hot."
"Yeah, I'd do her. Look at those tits, dude."
"I guess it's not gay if we don't look at each other . . . "
The Chauffeur
Take two extra-skinny versions of the Robert Palmer dancers in that oft-mimicked video and put 'em in lingerie, makeup and chandelier earrings, stick 'em in a parking garage and throw in a topless flat-chested interpretive dancer. I don't care what you say, this is hot, sexy and haunting. Imagine watching the uncut version at fourteen.
Sugar Walls
This song, from 1985, written by Prince (no, really? shocker.) was what first made me seriously consider the taste of pussy. Do pussies really taste like sugar? I mean, whoa. Turns out that well, sometimes yes, sometimes no, but either way this is NO SONG to get freaky to. It's way too bizarre.
Guest DJ: Madeline
This weekend, Madeline dusts off the VHS to get you bopping to the tunes that had her dirty dancing back in junior high school. A few surprises are thrown in the mix that might just take the tease from your perm.
Turn up your Walkman as her vee-jay juices flow like wine.
Your DJ, age 13
Turn up your Walkman as her vee-jay juices flow like wine.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Fratmen
"Seriously, bro, it would be so hot if a girl walked in right now and caught us stroking."
Gay Boy
I could make you gay like that.
But I got nothing on Lolita. She put this song in your head.
Poster of a Girl
Can't stand by myself
Hate to sleep alone
Surprises always help
So I take somebody home
To find out how I feel
Feel like just a baby
Je déteste dormir sans une présence
Les surprises semblent alléger ma solitude
Alors je ramène quelqu'un dans mon lit
Afin de découvrir comment je me sens
Comme un bébé
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Breathless
I listen to my juddering bones
The blood in my veins and the wind in my lungs
And I am breathless without you
Monday, October 22, 2007
Fratmen
"Hey man, you want to . . . ?"
"I dunno. You want to?"
"Maybe. I dunno. I'm not, you know . . ."
"Me either, bro. Just really horned up right now."
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Ballroom Blitz
Shelby was behind the wheel, driving and cussing with equal fervor, and Meg was the DJ. I sat in the back, eyes closed, knuckles white.
Suddenly, Meg and Shelby were scream singing to this rapid-fire falsetto I had never heard. “This is pretty great,” I shouted over the music. “What is it?”
Meg held up a finger. “Wait for the chorus!” Then the words spilled from their lips.
Ibelieveinathingcalledlove
Justlistentotherhythmofmyheart
Theresachancewecouldmakeitnow
Wellberockingtilthesungoesdown
I believe in a thing called lo-oo-oo-oo-ve!
“How can I not know this song?” I shouted. “It’s so killer. Reminds me of Sweet.”
“Fuck yeah it is,” Meg said. “What’s Sweet?”
“How can you not know Sweet?” I exclaimed. “We’ll fix this at my place.”
“Touching yo-oo-oou,” Shelby sang, “Touching me-ee-ee-ee.”
That night, the girls were schooled in old-school glam.
The other night, Meg was up too late, high and horny, watching videos. One thing led to another, and she found this jewel.
She swiftly sent it to the Smut Turntable DJ booth, under a subject line with four exclamation points. Four!
“Holy smokes,” I replied. “It’s the same cute boys that Jason Blake sent!”
“Dude, they are all over YouTube,” she replied. “Okay, now I have to masturbate.”
While Meg diddles, we have time to see Sweet perform. Ready Meg? Let’s go!
The Sweet
Suddenly, Meg and Shelby were scream singing to this rapid-fire falsetto I had never heard. “This is pretty great,” I shouted over the music. “What is it?”
Meg held up a finger. “Wait for the chorus!” Then the words spilled from their lips.
Ibelieveinathingcalledlove
Justlistentotherhythmofmyheart
Theresachancewecouldmakeitnow
Wellberockingtilthesungoesdown
I believe in a thing called lo-oo-oo-oo-ve!
“How can I not know this song?” I shouted. “It’s so killer. Reminds me of Sweet.”
“Fuck yeah it is,” Meg said. “What’s Sweet?”
“How can you not know Sweet?” I exclaimed. “We’ll fix this at my place.”
“Touching yo-oo-oou,” Shelby sang, “Touching me-ee-ee-ee.”
That night, the girls were schooled in old-school glam.
The other night, Meg was up too late, high and horny, watching videos. One thing led to another, and she found this jewel.
She swiftly sent it to the Smut Turntable DJ booth, under a subject line with four exclamation points. Four!
“Holy smokes,” I replied. “It’s the same cute boys that Jason Blake sent!”
“Dude, they are all over YouTube,” she replied. “Okay, now I have to masturbate.”
While Meg diddles, we have time to see Sweet perform. Ready Meg? Let’s go!
I Believe In a Thing Called Love
Falsetto, hand claps and the announcement of a guitar solo. Yes, this song is perfect.
The video will make you gay.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
The Art Teacher
I was at the Metropolitan Museum. I brought home a Turner. I own one.
Rufus was very sweet to me once, introducing himself to say he thought I was smart. He invited me to get high. I was married. I turned him down.
Now I'm divorced. And never have I turned . . . down any other man.
Thanks for the request, Molly.
Blake Mason
You size queens will remember Matt H. as the guy with the eleven and half inch dick.
Well, now he's putting in boys.
Days Go By
Get out your hankies for this request from Becca. You may only listen to the acoustic version if you haven't been through a recent break up.
Or a distant one.
Abby Winters
Let's not make a big deal about this, but I think I am developing a fetish for the fine hairs on your upper thigh . . . your belly . . . the small of your back . . .
Just in time for winter. You don't have to shave.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Apparitions
An after-hours office caper for Bianca, with a janitor for those who like janitors.
Krafty
Anna Smash dropped a quarter in the jukebox and punched up this song.
I came back to the table, two whiskeys in hand.
She nodded along. I returned her smile. "Meet me on the roof."
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Yea Yeah
Only the most adorablist ever, with splosh and a costume change to boot.
What's that? You say you want a remix?
Jesusland
Geniusland. For Viviane.
This does not make me miss home. But it does make me miss lamb chops, picnic tables, and the entire solar system.
Maybe Richard Avedon, a little bit, when he was unkind.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Suddenly I See
You can suddenly see this video with higher quality at Stripped, where K. T. Tunstall also covers Chaka Khan.
I want to rock you. That's all I want to do.
Common People
Let's stay with a theme. Dance and drink and screw to this bitter bopper from the Peabo playlist.
I Touch Myself
Kat touches all of us with this request. Put on your best pout and sing along.
Perhaps you'll go where no man has gone before.
Better
Love is the Hammerstein Ballroom filled with people singing as best they can with Regina Spektor at her piano.
Love is also backstage with Regina among her extended family and admiring young musicians.
I felt the love watching Regina sweetly fawning over her younger brother as she held her grandmother's hand.
"You see those kids over there?" A music executive nodded at a table of skinny hipsters holding cups of beer. "We did an industry show for them tonight at Arlene's Grocery. They came on and announced it would be short because they needed to see Regina play tonight. They played until the last minute and packed up their van in fifteen minutes. Fastest load out I ever saw."
There is an alternative (and rather lovely) video for this song which you may like better, if any (tchk, tchk) thing at all.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
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